The Heart

April 29, 2017

I am wildly amazed by the human heart. There was a season of my life where I wanted to become a surgeon and thought about the beauty of holding a beating heart in my hands. All the dreams, hopes and loves of their lives in your hands. It blows my mind, and it is so heavily on my heart right now, the subject of, well, my heart. Since I was saved I’ve learned a whole lot about my heart and how it operates and want to openly process it with you. 

Sure, we know that our heart loves and “the heart wants what it wants”, that it can break, and that it pumps blood to the rest of our body; but what do you really know about your heart? Do you know why certain things make your heart pump faster or why blue eyes make your heart skip a beat but brown don’t? Sometimes I believe we, as a society, are so out of tune with our own hearts it leaves to no room to understand anyone else’s. How beautiful would it be if we could all take a minute to acknowledge the desires of our hearts and accept that our heart feels things, and sometimes really intensely. I’m afraid we are shutting down our own hearts due to fear or due to what other people say. Shutting our heart down is like suffocating a flower and still expecting it to bloom when the sun rises, it can’t bloom with darkness surrounding it.  

I say this because I know what it feels like to feel the need to shut your heart down. Because this happens to me, and I know even worse to others. I believe what we fill our hearts with is what we will see manifest in our own lives. If we believe, think or curse evil things over ourselves and others then these things will reflect in our own lives. But when we understand our heart and that it will feel things, and then treat it will love we will see the beautiful things come to life. 

So in this season I’ve had old things arise in my heart that I thought were laid down for good. I begin to react and become emotional over the little things all because I’m so confused by what my heart is feeling. My heart, mind and Spirit are talking a different language and I can’t remember which I speak. The world focuses so heavily on “following our hearts” but I don’t believe the same. Following my heart means following my flesh and the Word says to live by our Spirit and not by our flesh. So what language is my Spirit speaking? 

My Spirit is one with Jesus. Everything my Spirit says is what Jesus is telling me and sometimes my heart is speaking so loudly I can’t hear a word from God. There’s all this chatter and all I want is to know what to do with myself. Ever have that feeling? I feel that way about 100x a day.

In all of this my Spirit is teaching me how to acknowledge my heart but not necessarily let her be the deciding factor. I’m learning to acknowledge my heart first and then ask my Spirit what to do. What do to with all this hurt, loneliness and love that is burning inside of me. 

I truthfully don’t know what to do with it. It’s burning and demanding for something specific but something out of reach. So with that all I can do is acknowledge, accept and love what my heart is telling me. I’ve learned a deeper sense of self-love in all of this. It’s beautiful how my heart works and how yours does too. We are all so different and we burn for things differently, but we must recognize our heart’s needs and learn to accept and love the way we love. 

The rest of it is a process. But I take my heart fully surrendering to God and He knows how to love it better than anyone I know. 



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