What love is made of: part two

May 29, 2017


Over the past few seasons I’ve realized how much it hurts to love. It hurts to love things, to love yourself and to love people. Most of the time there isn’t even a reason to be sad but everything hurts. Every fiber of your heart hurts, your mind hurts, your nervous system longs to be held because it hurts. It hurts to love. 

C.S Lewis said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." and no one has said it better. 

I’ve learned how loving what I create and want to do with my life hurts. It hurts to feel like you’re not good enough or that other people are receiving all that you’ve worked so hard for. It hurts to know that you could work all your life in loving what you do only to not come out the other end. 

What about loving things, what happens when we lose everything we have? It hurts to build attachments to things we own or pets we love only to lose them in the end. Losing a pet feels like losing a family member, ever thought about that? My biggest hesitation in getting a dog is knowing that the day it comes to let it go, even if it’s ten years down the road, it will hurt. And I choose to not go through that in this season. 

But what about people. Loving people is the strongest force we have to offer each other. It’s the most gut-wrenching feeling loving someone with your entire being. Even if they love you back, it’s the emotion you have for them. Friend to friend. Lover to lover. Mother to child. The most intimate of relationships break us from the inside out. I’ve cried telling a friend how much I love them. I’ve cried thinking about the day I lose my parents. I’ve cried knowing someone I love so dearly doesn’t feel the same way back. Love is vulnerable. And it hurts. 

People are so used to distractions and remedies to try and run away from his or her emotions. I have found that love is made in the midst of the pain. For better or for worse. 

Aside from the pain, love is the glue that holds everything together. We are made up of love, to give love and to be loved by love Himself.  I have never learned so much about myself and love than I ever have in the past year or two. Love is made from the most magnificent force to ever be. He gave us this beautiful gift to receive and to give to others. 

I believe love is the answer. Beyond the pain, beyond the fear and beyond the brokenness. Love tears us apart only to bring us back together. 

xo, 

JM

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